Time To Get 'Real'

As these days I'm working on my first videos for my YouTube channel – yay!!! –, that requires me to do a lot of digging though this year's #memories, and that sure brings out a lot of #feelings…

A Pretty 'Picture'

So this was me back in #March...enjoying the #wonders of #Mallorca, super thrilled to be watching the #sun melt away into the sea, and #playing with the #colors it created meanwhile...I look #pretty #happy, don’t I?

At that point, I had been here for about a month, I had a #job at a #tattoo studio in #Palma, which I had found immediately AFTER moving here – I was #not #prepared at all for this move! – , and I had been starting to #explore an #island of #infinite #wonder with my new mallorquín #love, Quico. Sounds #magical so far, doesn't it?

Well, if you've been following me on Instagram for a while or at least this year, my #photos tell #stories of beautiful #adventure, #exploration, #friendship, #love, and #art. It #looks like the #perfect life...but that was just the #surface part. As you know, things you see on #social #media are most likely not half as #beautiful as they seem to be. It's too easy to #filter the colors of #real #life, or to filter through the unpleasantness...

To Be Completely Honest…

There were a lot of things that didn't turn out to be so 'pink' since I got here…

The biggest shock and pain, however, was the #language #barrier...Yeah, imagine that! And, as they say, it's funnier, coz it's true!

The #absolute #truth is that before moving here it had never even once occurred to me that not being able to speak #Spanish right away could ever be a #problem! Guess Spanish speaking countries are not at all like...any other ones. Living in Germany, then #Denmark, and in all of my #travels through #Europe – and there had been many! –, #English had carried me #effortlessly. Sure, I've ran into some bumps on the road every now and again, but the majority of my interactions went smoothly, and it definitely never was a problem in my line of work as a tattoo artist.

Nevertheless, having #moved here I've come to #discover that there are a LOT more #people here that don't speak English, as opposed to the ones who do, which actually did come as a #big #surprise! To make it extra relevant, the latter category sadly did not seem to include 99% of the people I was supposed to interact with daily in order to get or have customers at the tattoo shop. So yeah...that definitely started to create some #friction in my life from the very first days.

On A Deeper Level…

I was also dealing with a lot of #guilt, and #self-hate, mostly in the shape of #blame and #anger, kinds that we mistakenly so, yet very often feel #justified to use on ourselves. Despite my #desperate #efforts to #ignore these feelings, and to #focus on #happy things instead, it was all still very #active and #painful. Then again, it didn't help at all that my most active contact, tied to my life back in Denmark, but also to a lot of recent pain, was constantly writing to me or calling me, always throwing more ice on the wound, albeit unintentionally. But that's yet another #lesson I really needed to re-learn, and another story for another time...

So, every day for months, I was bombarded with #reminders of my #mistakes...That I didn't really say #goodbye to Denmark, or to the people dear to me which I had met over the years I had lived there, that I've just left super #suddenly without really #planning ahead on either end of the move, and that some of my #actions had more #severe #consequences than I would've anticipated, provided I would've taken a second to think about my move and what I was doing, that is.

With all of that, there also came a #realization way sooner than I had expected it: that I actually really miss #Denmark so much...the country, the city (#Aalborg <3), so many people there, and even the shop where I worked...and that last one came as a big surprise even to me! But then again, I was being very #emotional at the time! Above everything else though, I was really missing the #person I could be there, and was not #allowed to be here, mostly due to the same language barrier before mentioned.

In addition, as it always happens when you 'lose' something, I've started seeing #clearly a lot of positives about me living in Denmark for once in a very very long time, which only made me miss it that much more. It's true that #distance doesn't solve anything, but it sure as hell gives you a #new #perspective on things!

As I was going through all of this, and second guessing my very #reasons to even be in this country at all, it felt like life was pushing me once again towards feeling all that #sadness, #grief, and #pain. So I did, couldn't run from it, which led me to continue what seemed to be my never-ending #depression…I’ll get into that another time.

But To Conclude For now…

If you would've told me back then that by the end of October I would have 3 new life #passions, and none of which will include tattooing, that I would have a new #business, my own #website and #blog, that I would be working on a project with Roz, that I'll be finally starting my YouTube channel, and I'll be happier than ever...I would've told you you're #crazy! Well, the truth is - I know myself well enough – that I would've probably chosen to #believe you, but now we’ll never know, will we? :)

A New Perspective. Thank You, Life!

Nevertheless, as I stand here now looking back, I cannot believe I've come such a long way in such a short time, and I'm not speaking about miles. I'm such a #different person now, I've grown so much, I've learnt so much, I've discovered and experienced so much…And I am truly #grateful and happy for everything that I had to go through in order for me to be the person I am today, and of course also for that! Who I am, and where I am in my life now...

And I am more than grateful to you, reading this now, and to everyone else who is joining me on this adventure!!!

So Much More Than Just Numbers

Already 11 subscribers on the YouTube channel, and I don't even have any videos posted yet! THANK YOU for your #trust, and support <3

551 followers on Instagram! THANK YOU for allowing me to share the wonders of my life with you <3

3408 likes on my Facebook page! Most of you guys started following me when my page was all about my tattoos and my art in general. THANK YOU for having supported me back then, and thank you for still sticking around now, when my life is taking a completely different turn.

These might be just numbers to you, but to me every single one of these actions (subscribe, follow, like) sends a clear message, and it’s somewhere along the lines of:

Sure, you're pretty weird and have a lot of crazy passions, you're still pretty much all over the place, and you also use a lot of words I don't understand yet (Ayahuasca, Bufo, Kambo, Yopo, Human Design, Projector, Psych-k..?!? Jesus!), BUT I support you anyway!

So it means a lot to me! THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!